If you are entitled to alimony--don't give it away. I'm a firm believer in not being dependent on others. I thought I didn't need alimony because I can take care of myself just fine, thank you. I neglected to realize that using an attorney to handle my divorce would result in bills to pay--big ones. Keep these things in mind:
I know this seems absurd--watching movies and television, and in life you hear these stories-- there is a sort of myth about divorcees. You'd think that divorces clean men out financially and that women sit around, not working, eating bon-bons from the proceeds. Both parties are worse off financially after a divorce, but women fare worse because they generally have lower paying jobs, but still wish to maintain the same lifestyle they had before the divorce. I had a list of reasons I didn't take alimony and I'd say that misjudging how much money I needed for the transition was an enormous mistake that wipes out all those reasons--I was unrealistic!
Don't touch retirement money to pay off debt. Borrow against your retirement if you must, but don't take it out. You will be have a tax bill to deal with that might a hardship and you won't have your retirement money.
Stay in the family home if you have kids--sell after that issue is settled. Don't budge until the custody is settled. In my custody hearing the evaluator said that my ex and I were the same as parents so she had the kids stay in the house during the school year. Well, I left the house. I didn't know that men had uteruses or that houses leaked breast milk when a child cries, but I guess the evaluator knew stuff I didn't. I had not known the house was so important. I misjudged because my job makes me significantly more available to my kids than my ex's job does so I thought where I lived was irrelevant. It's not irrelevant.
Make sure, if you have 50/50 custody or anything near that that you get to alternate years taking the dependent credit on your taxes. You'd think lawyers would always bring this up--my lawyer didn't address this.
Don't get remarried right away. This is from observation, not from personal experience. I once had a boyfriend who was divorcing a women he'd married within six months of his first divorce. (The second marriage didn't last six months.) It was just sad all the way around.
Wait until you feel like yourself again--when you can be objective about choices-- before you make big decisions. Getting married will complicate your already changing financial picture. Wait and get things settled in your life before you jump into the next adventure of co-mingling of funds or assets.
You might be feeling really good--or you might be feeling really bad. Don't make big decisions when your emotions are in overdrive--and they will be for a while.
If you feel weak on this one, think of Elizabeth Taylor or any number of many-times married celebrities--can you imagine how much all those divorces cost? (Not to mention what that's like on children in such families.)
Well, there you go...I made some of these mistakes. You too will make mistakes so be very kind to yourself. If you've got your health, a roof over your head, a touch of sanity and some nice friends or family to pull you through you'll be okay even if you mess up a bit.
- You're lifestyle will change after the divorce--probably you'll be downsizing.
- The money will help you adjust to living on one income.
- The money can be saved for your child's/children's college fund(s).
- You can save the money and give it to your ex in a lump sum at a future date if you don't feel you need it--but you'll probably find that you do need it.
I know this seems absurd--watching movies and television, and in life you hear these stories-- there is a sort of myth about divorcees. You'd think that divorces clean men out financially and that women sit around, not working, eating bon-bons from the proceeds. Both parties are worse off financially after a divorce, but women fare worse because they generally have lower paying jobs, but still wish to maintain the same lifestyle they had before the divorce. I had a list of reasons I didn't take alimony and I'd say that misjudging how much money I needed for the transition was an enormous mistake that wipes out all those reasons--I was unrealistic!
Don't touch retirement money to pay off debt. Borrow against your retirement if you must, but don't take it out. You will be have a tax bill to deal with that might a hardship and you won't have your retirement money.
Stay in the family home if you have kids--sell after that issue is settled. Don't budge until the custody is settled. In my custody hearing the evaluator said that my ex and I were the same as parents so she had the kids stay in the house during the school year. Well, I left the house. I didn't know that men had uteruses or that houses leaked breast milk when a child cries, but I guess the evaluator knew stuff I didn't. I had not known the house was so important. I misjudged because my job makes me significantly more available to my kids than my ex's job does so I thought where I lived was irrelevant. It's not irrelevant.
Make sure, if you have 50/50 custody or anything near that that you get to alternate years taking the dependent credit on your taxes. You'd think lawyers would always bring this up--my lawyer didn't address this.
Don't get remarried right away. This is from observation, not from personal experience. I once had a boyfriend who was divorcing a women he'd married within six months of his first divorce. (The second marriage didn't last six months.) It was just sad all the way around.
Wait until you feel like yourself again--when you can be objective about choices-- before you make big decisions. Getting married will complicate your already changing financial picture. Wait and get things settled in your life before you jump into the next adventure of co-mingling of funds or assets.
You might be feeling really good--or you might be feeling really bad. Don't make big decisions when your emotions are in overdrive--and they will be for a while.
If you feel weak on this one, think of Elizabeth Taylor or any number of many-times married celebrities--can you imagine how much all those divorces cost? (Not to mention what that's like on children in such families.)
Well, there you go...I made some of these mistakes. You too will make mistakes so be very kind to yourself. If you've got your health, a roof over your head, a touch of sanity and some nice friends or family to pull you through you'll be okay even if you mess up a bit.
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